Yamazaki's Diary Keep Out!
by omidorichan
Summary: Yes! I have finally done it! I stole Yamazaki's diary and have posted it on the internet. What a crazy life this guy lives... Read and Review please!
1. October 31st, 1952

Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y  
  
A/N: There aren't enough Yamazaki fics out there, I can tell yeh, and he is one of my favourite characters! So here it is ladies and gentlemen! I have STOLEN HIS DIARY AND PUT IT UP ON THE INTERNET! One of the worst things that could ever happen to someone!  
  
I originally had this story in the font: "Kristen ITC" and it gives the writings a lot more personality. ^-^ Please review when you're done, and remember something inspirational Yamazaki once said. which would be. oh, never mind, just read the story!  
  
----  
  
October 31st, 1952  
  
Dear Diary,  
  
Why ever did I do to deserve this terrible relationship!? I tell Chiharu that her chocolates are terrible, and the next thing I know, I am being throttled! Oh, maybe I am too feminine for her, after all, I AM writing in a diary! The cover is all pink and fluffy. ahh..  
  
Maybe, I am too attractive for her! She feels that I am out of her league! And she shows this by hurting me to try and gain dominance! Of course, that's it! I was waaay off with the feminine thing.  
  
But, diary, I must confess. I have a SECRET CRUSH ON EVERYONE IN MY CLASS! Not only that! I HAVE A SECRET CRUSH ON EVERYONE IN MY SCHOOL! Yes! If Chiharu ever found out about this, she would be *ahem* CRUSHED! How ironic, crushed by all my crushes.  
  
Why, it was jus today that I asked Sakura to run away with me to sail the banks of the Nile in my yacht. She merely stared at me and said 'hoee?!'  
  
I then repeated this process to Tomoyo who said asked me to move out of the way so she could film Sakura. No imagination that girl has! Speaking of imagination. I have nothing to say about that (right now) but it turns out that Eriol was the only one who was willing to sail the banks of the Nile with me, but then I realized the horrible truth.  
  
'Eli- I mean, Eriol,' I said, 'I am sorry, but I am not in love with you any more!'  
  
Poor chap, broke his heart. But I couldn't lie to him; I'm not that kind of person.  
  
He did take it quite well, though. 'That's okay Yamazaki. I wasn't entirely sure if you had a yacht anyway!' he said. How rude!  
  
'I'll have you know that I have a yacht!' I said, angrily, too angry to even open my eyes! Then I ran away because in reality, I don't have a yacht- I have two! How would I ever explain that one? Whilst I was running away, I ran into an old man with a walker, and knocked him over and dented the walker. I kept running, because I was sure that Eriol was in close pursuit.  
I ran all the way to that bridge that Sakura and Tomoyo always met during the first season of their TV show! But I am under a very binding contract to pretend that I had no idea about that show. So, shh!  
  
'Goodbye cruel world!' I said, and jumped off the bridge into the waters of doom.  
  
THE END  
  
Or it would have been the end if the bridge had been high off the ground and the river deep. I don't suppose it could have been my demise lest I had eaten clogs!  
  
So then, with all my clothes wet, I ran back to school to face Eriol once and for all! No big, tough guy was gonna scare me out of an education!  
  
As I ran I thought to myself, 'Oh! If only I was handsome like in manga! Then I could win Chiharu's heart!' and in my haste, I hit that old man again, just as he was getting up. Like I always say, help people and you'll wonder why you ever ate clogs in the first place. Honestly! Of course, I didn't want to wonder about my clog-eating, so I left him.  
  
I managed to get to the school right after the bell rang. Chiharu and her friends ran outside and saw me, dripping wet.  
  
'My, my, Yamazaki! You look divine!' Chiharu said, and embraced me. Though, in my condition, I couldn't really tell what was going on, so she might have said: 'YAMAZAKI YOU IDIOT! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING RUNNING OUT IN THE MIDDLE OF CLASS AND JUMPING INTO THE RIVER AGAIN, WHY I OUGHTA-!' and punched me. Details, details! The important thing is that Eriol never showed up for our scheduled duel! So, I won by forfeit!  
  
Eriol, you treasonous dog! I shall have my revenge- AGAIN!  
  
Love,  
  
Yamazaki  
  
-----  
  
A/N: So what did y'all think? No, Yamazaki doesn't have a crush on everyone in his class; he is just a bit delirious and says random things sometimes. That's the great thing about Yamazaki! Don't worry, he might eventually learn how to write the date. Please REVIEW! IT WOULD MAKE ME SO VERY, VERY HAPPY!! REEEVIEW!!  
  
PS- Just to make it clear, I don't own Yamazaki or anything like that! Just incase you thought I did... -_-* 


	2. July 11th, 2010

Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y  
  
A/N: I was pleasantly surprised at the success of the first chapter. Ten reviews! WOW, that just made me want to write more! So, here it is! The next chapter in Yamazaki's life!  
  
----  
  
July 11th, 2010  
  
Dearest Diary,  
  
Surprisingly enough, Eriol acted as if nothing happened today. I guess that is what people do when their hearts are broken. I wouldn't know, as I have never been rejected in such a way. Beautiful women, riches, a sports car! 'Zaki's got it all! You'd think he wouldn't have the courage to show his somewhat handsome face in public again after that public disgrace yesterday! Imagine! He jumps into rivers over the silliest things! Chiharu, the amnesiac, keeps telling me that I was the one who jumped into the river. How absurd!  
  
For a nice change today, I figured that instead of breaking their hearts, I would be a matchmaker! Yes, I, Yamazaki, will be the BEST matchmaker of the millennium! I doubt that there were any matchmakers before this millennium, so I will be the BEST matchmaker- EVER! Chiharu says that I am being stupid again, but we'll see who is being stupid when I set her up with her SOUL MATE! That's right! SHE will be stupid! Ha!  
  
First I forged notes for everyone (they won't mind) and handed them out. They were notes telling 'so and so' to meet at 'place and so' after school -from your secret admirer. Once the school day was over I watched with relish as Syaoran and Eriol met at the ugly statue confusedly. Then they looked at each other, screamed, and ran away. Ahh, true love!  
  
Then, I went to the soccer field, where all the girls were lined up, notes in hand, tapping their feet impatiently. I ran up to them.  
  
'Hello ladies! It is my great pleasure to inform you all that you are in the presence of your true love- ME!'  
  
They all glared at me (with love, of course) and walked away, grumbling amongst themselves, probably about how cool I am! Ha ha! Only Chiharu remained, and she only remained so she could kick me in the shin (with love, no doubt!)  
  
This evening, Terada called to tell my mom that I had skipped two classes the day before. How rude! I did no such thing, I told my mother earnestly. She didn't believe me, and sent me to my room without third helpings of dinner! I have never been so mad in my life.  
  
I have to cry for a while, hold on.  
  
...  
  
Back, and the crying did nothing. It seems that I have big bruises all over my arms and legs. Could this be the work of some super-villain? My heart is saying something else, but I can't quite hear! Oh, I hate my life! Ahh! Someone is coming up the stairs!  
  
It was mother. She wanted to apologize for letting me go hungry. She brought me third, fourth, and fifth helpings of dinner. What a nice lady, remind me to send her an "Official Yamazaki Letter of Approval". That should make her day.  
  
Now that I am properly fed, I can think straight. I remember that it was none other than Chiharu who gave me these awful bruises! And to think, I stooped down so low as to allow her to meet me in person! Well not any more! I'll show her!  
  
Love,  
Yamazaki  
  
-----  
  
A/N: Ahh, and so we see a darker side of Yamazaki! Not unlike his normal side, except sadder! The plot thickens. PLEASE REVIEW!! PLEASE!! 


	3. December 8th, 1998

Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y  
  
A/N: WOW! TWENTY REVIEWS! Thank you all SOO MUCH! I hope this next chapter is as good as the last two.  
  
Please, ~read and review~!  
  
----  
  
December 8th, 1998  
  
Most dear diary,  
  
Today I could just feel the love in the air! Syaoran and Eriol were so in love they couldn't even look at each other! Sakura, Tomoyo, Rika, Naoko, Meiling, and Chiharu couldn't keep their hands off me.  
  
'Ladies, ladies! There is enough of me to go around!' I announced, and I got yelled at by the teacher, apparently for "yelling out nonsense in the middle of a lesson". Nonsense indeed!  
  
I think my plan may have worked too well, actually, since I happened to look in the mirror and see how stunning I look! Those poor girls will be heartbroken when I have to choose one! Good thing they have been desensitized to it slightly from all those reality TV-shows! I rather feel like the Bachelor right now, except more handsome (of course).  
  
At lunch that day, I went up to the place where they were all sitting to make my announcement. I stood on a stool and cleared my throat.  
  
'Yamazaki, I thought we told you to go away!' Chiharu said (with love).  
  
'Yes, my dear you did tell me you love me anyway, but I must choose!' and then I looked at their faces and I realized that I couldn't do that to them. 'Something has come up and it turns out that I'm not meant to be with any of you! I am meant to be with. YUKITO TSUKISHIRO!' I said, and ran over to embrace my beloved who was standing under a tree with that pesky Touya.  
  
It turns out that Touya and Yukito are somewhat against shounen-ai, and Touya tried to kick me to kingdom come, while Yukito couldn't stop laughing.  
  
'But, Yukito! My love!' I yelled in anguish (probably not enough anguish on my part), but that heartless fiend would have nothing to do with me.  
  
'Yamazaki, you aren't allowed off school property!' a voice behind me said. I turned around to see the one I was meant to be with- the beautiful and enchanting MS MIZUKI!  
  
'Ms Mizuki! My love!' I yelled in enough anguish this time. She just laughed and told me to go back to school grounds.  
  
When I told Chiharu what happened, she laughed too! Am I really that funny? Maybe people laugh at you to show that they are tickled by their love! Yes! That MUST be it!  
  
After school today, I went to the computer club. I am a very important member, as I was the one who founded it, therefore I am the president! Oh, girls are crazy about a guy who can be the president of such an elite and exclusive club! In fact, it is so exclusive that we only have three members! Me, Eriol, and Tomoyo!  
  
'No! You simplistic dairy consumer! The firewall is just the government's way of keeping us from the truth!' I told Eriol. Sometimes he can be so conservative.  
  
'I am leaving.' Eriol said. 'I don't know why I ever joined this club anyway- I don't even have a computer!' he said, got up, and walked away.  
  
'Noo! You fool! I OWN you! You can never leave! I AM DISPELLING YOU FROM THIS CLUB FOREVER!' and when I was sure he had gotten the message, I turned to talk to Tomoyo. 'Well, Tomoyo, it's just you and me. Tomoyo?' SHE WAS GONE! I don't get no respect around here!!  
  
Love,  
  
Yamazaki  
  
-----  
  
A/N: Heh . . . what mischiefs will that Yamazaki get into next? Please, REVIEW!  
  
And for another story, not unlike this one, check out -Snaperiffic!- 


	4. May 2nd, 5000

Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y  
  
A/N: Ah, another entry of Yamazaki's Diary, it will bring you back to the good ol' days when cookies were big, red, and made to look like bricks. Bon appetite!  
  
Please, ~read and review~! (Don't stop now! WE CAN MAKE IT TO 10 000 REVIEWS!!!!)  
  
----  
  
May 2nd, 5000  
  
Most Dearest Diary,  
  
Today I will prove myself to all of them! It is morning now, and I am going to let you in on my plan! Last night I baked five GIANT cookies and dyed them red so that they looked like brick walls. Today, I am going to do a presentation for my class on how I can break them with a single karate chop, AND THEN EAT THEM! No one will doubt my toughness then! They will all bow before me!  
  
I have to leave for school. I would say wish me luck, but this plan is too perfect to fail!  
  
. . .  
  
Well, I will admit, the Plan wasn't completely fool proof. What happened was that I was just setting up my stuff when Eriol (still sore from my victory yesterday, no doubt!) asked if all my presentation was eating four (I ate the fifth on the way to school) giant red cookies. With all my karate mind-training calmness I explained to him that they weren't cookies, and the presentation was a surprise. Then I let out my coolest yell and brought my fist down onto the first cookie. I must not have baked it properly, because it didn't break! I tried again and again, but still nothing! So, I skipped to the end and ate it, and then ate the rest because once I start eating I can't stop. Sadly, the class was too in awe to cheer for me. Don't they have any manners?!  
  
To make matters worse, I let out the biggest belch once I was seated. That would have been perfect, if the teacher hadn't given me a detention for expelling gas in the class room. Actually, he gave me the detention for arguing with him. I said it was a completely natural and beautiful expression of emotions. I told him that burping suddenly and loudly after eating bricks was a sign of boredom. I was hoping he would get the point and spice up the lesson a bit, but he didn't. Some people just can't take a hint! So, now, I am sitting in detention writing this.  
  
Oh, no! Terada is talking to Kaho! I tried to act like there was nothing going on between us, but she slipped up and kept laughing from her insane love for me tickling her mercilessly. She said something to him, and now he is laughing too! I had no idea how he felt! How could I ever doubt my coolness? They are coming over here now, must stop writing for now.  
  
. . .  
  
It turns out that neither of them was being tickled by love! They were being tickled by my cookie story! I told them that if they used it for profit I would file a plagiarism suit and sue them for all they were worth- maybe more! They just laughed more. Maybe I had stuff on my face. Terada (the weasel) gave me a note to give my parents. I sneaked a peak at it on the way home. It went something like:  
  
Dear Mr and Mrs Yamazaki,  
  
In addition to skipping class numerous times in the past semester (once this week) today, Yamazaki ate four giant, red cookies in front of the class and burped loudly. I was completely willing to excuse this, and I told him to excuse himself after he burps, but he talked back to me in an offensive manner. It also should be known that he has been terrorizing nearby secondary school students, teachers, and students in his class.  
  
I would like to schedule a meeting to discuss these matters with you.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Mr Terada  
  
That guy! I am so mad! I gave the note to my parents of course, or else he would be hounding us tomorrow, asking stupid questions about my home life. Mom is asking me what the heck he was talking about. I think I am ready to tell the truth.  
  
. . .  
  
She didn't believe me! How dare she not believe me! Since when has she ever had any reason to doubt me? Did Thomas Jefferson run from his English teacher? NO! He stood by and took the blows to show what a man he is! And they expect me to do the same? Heck, I don't want to be the president of the United States! Still, they are making me go back to school tomorrow. How I can ever show my adorable (but shame filled) face at that place ever again, I just don't know.  
  
I think I will telephone Terada and tell him it was all a mistake. Normally I wouldn't call people after 1am, but we all know that teachers never sleep!  
  
. . .  
  
Apparently this one does! The nerve of him, talking so groggily! If I were any more offended, I'd be twins! He says he wants to talk to me tom0rrow! I'd like to see him try, as I will be halfway to Russia by then! So long, sucker!  
  
Lotsa love,  
  
Yamazaki  
  
-----  
  
A/N: Does Yamazaki really have what it takes to be President? Will Yamazaki really go to Russia? It is improbable that these questions will be answered in the next entry of. YAMAZAKI'S DIARY!!  
  
PLEASE REVIEW!!!!!!!  
  
~And for another story, not unlike this one, check out -Snaperiffic!- 


	5. February 31nd, 1492

Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y  
  
A/N: Thanks to all those people who read and REVIEWED!  
  
Though this doesn't have much to do with Yamazaki's Diary (what is the world coming to?!), my friend recently joined fanfiction.net and has a really funny story. Her user name is Morumotto. Another funny friend of mine (I co-authored some of her fics!!) is Pixsaro! (View favourite authors list for more)  
  
Please, ~read and review~!  
  
----  
  
February 31nd, 1492  
  
Absolutely Most Dearest Diary,  
  
Today I have to go to a meeting with Mr Terada. I am so nervous I could . . . I could . . . well let's not think about that. The important thing is to keep a happy face! Yes!  
  
. . .  
  
Plan Happy Face didn't work. I still have to go to the meeting. Does anything from TV work in real life? I guess not. Shows what you know, you stupid diary! Chiharu wouldn't talk to me today. Apparently I pose a threat to her. Honestly! Who does she think I am? ERIOL?! Speaking of Eriol, I can sense that he is depressed over what happened. Why just today he SUBLIMINALLY begged me to let him back into the Computer Club and to let him try out my yacht.  
  
'Good morning Yamazaki.' He said. Hasn't anyone ever taught him tact?  
  
'I WILL NOT LET YOU BACK INTO THE CLUB YOU MONSTER! AFTER WHAT YOU SAID, I AM SURPRISED THAT YOU EVEN HAD THE THOUGHT!' I showed him! Man, he walked away so fast after that.  
  
Then, today in the cafeteria (yes, we have a cafeteria!) EVERYONE was staring at me! How unnerving. I finally cracked and fell to my knees crying.  
  
'WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT FROM MEE?!' Then Mr Terada ran over to me and asked me if there was anything the matter.  
  
'Of course not! What made you think such a thing?' I said, offended by his groggy tone. He then said to stay after class for the meeting (which I will be referring to hereon as THE MEETING OF DOOM)  
  
. . .  
  
I am home now, we just had that MEETING OF DOOM. It actually wasn't that bad, but I have vowed to call it THE MEETING OF DOOM, and I will stick by that. Anyway, what happened was I told them that I was just walking down the street, minding my own business when Terada came at me with his motorcycle gang.  
  
'No Mr Terada!' I screamed. 'I am going to be late for school!'  
  
Then they tied me up and brought me to their underground LAIR in the sewers.  
  
They didn't believe me!  
  
So then, just as I was positive that I was doomed, Mr Terada started to talk about my overactive imagination. What?  
  
'We know Takashi has an overactive imagination, but he isn't a bad boy or anything. Just really weird!' Mother said, with Father nodding in protest. Well, at least he is on my side.  
  
'I was going to suggest therapy for Takashi, but I talked it over with Ms Mizuki and she suggested acting lessons. Since he is so dramatic, maybe Takashi has a flare for drama!'  
  
Mother and Father grinned. I found myself grinning too, since it looked so fun!  
  
'Takashi, would you like that?' Mother asked me. Father doesn't like to talk.  
  
'Yes, very much, Mother.' I said, willing us to leave that HORRID PLACE. Father stood up quickly and shook Terada-the-sneak's hand.  
  
'Well, thank you for your time!' Mother said, and we ran out of his terrible office of TORTURE.  
  
So that's that diary. Mother signed me up for drama class. I guess I will have to drop dance class now to make time for it. Darn Terada ruins everything.  
  
Love,  
  
Yamazaki  
  
-----  
  
A/N: IF YOU TRULY LOVE YAMAZAKI, PLEASE REVIEW!! IF YOU TRULY HATE HIM WITH YOUR ENTIRE MIND, THEN REVIEW!! If you are indifferent, take a number (and review)! 


	6. December 31st, 1999

Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y  
  
A/N: Thanks again to all those people who read and REVIEWED!  
  
This chapter is for all you aspiring actors out there. Dreams really do come true!  
  
Please, ~read and review~!  
  
----  
  
December 31st, 1999 (Saturday!!)  
  
Absolutely positively most dearest diary,  
  
I was at my first drama class today. As I write this, my mother is on the phone trying to convince my agent to try and stop the directors from calling so much, and there are reporters outside trying to break down the house to get to talk to me. Not to mention my legions of fangirls. I even have a stage name now! Yamazaki Monroe! At my photo- shoot tomorrow I will get to wear a white dress and stand over the vent like in my favourite Maralyn Monroe picture!  
  
Hold on, I have to call Chiharu and tell her the news.  
  
. . .  
  
She says that none of that is true. I suppose she might be right. I looked out the window and the fangirls and reporters were gone, and mother is off the phone. Fame really is a fickle friend.  
  
Today I am going to the park with Chiharu, Eriol, and Naoko. Darn it, Naoko always ruins everything!  
  
. . .  
  
I was right, Naoko did ruin everything! Just as I was going to finish telling them the story about the time the Tsukimine Shrine grew legs and walked away, SHE started to talk about charms and curses. Yeesh! I am flattered that she feels that way, but she should know how awkward it would be, what with my history with Chiharu and Eriol. When I confided this to Eriol and Chiharu once Naoko left they just laughed. Tickled by love!  
  
I was so fed up with them that I took their sandwiches away, put them in the picnic box basket, and ran away (with the basket). They just sat there (with love, I'll bet!) while I ran aimlessly, blinded by my tears. Before I knew what was happening, I ran right into someone, and I fell down!  
  
'Yamazaki! I'm sorry, are you alright?' it was Kaho! I burst out in tears again and fell to my knees crying.  
  
'Ka-kaho!' I sobbed. Kaho stood there, not sure what to do.  
  
'Yamazaki, what's wrong?' she asked me.  
  
'E-everything!' I yelled and kicked her. Then, while she was unable to move, I got away (barely) and ran back to the park where Eriol and Chiharu had been, but they were gone! How rude, I wasn't that late! I sat down sadly and looked around at the splendour of nature. Houses, cars, streetlights, and giant penguins. Trying to recapture my childhood, I climbed up the penguin and sat at the top.  
  
'You know, it is hard when everyone is in love with you, and trying to be just like you, Penguin. I know I haven't talked to you for a while, but I really need to talk right now.' I said to Penguin. Some rude kid behind me laughed.  
  
'Hey! Big kid! Move! I wanna go down the slide!'  
  
I blinked. 'Slide?'  
  
The kid frowned and pushed me, and I slid down Penguin, and she came down after I did. But if Penguin is a slide that means.  
  
'Oh, no!!' I yelled, and the kid looked at me funny. 'I have made a dire mistake!' The kid told me that she didn't care, and climbed up Penguin again. I ran off to go find my stock-broker. I told her to sell my shares in Penguin help-lines right away and to invest in Penguin slides.  
  
'I don't know what you are talking about.' Mother said, apparently forgetting our contract. That's what happens when you advance them money- they forget that they work for you! 'What did you think about your first drama class?' she asked me, pretending that she didn't know!  
  
I started to cry again. It is a very sensitive subject! 'Oh, mother!' I said, my bottom lip shaking. She stopped her cooking and gave me a hug.  
  
'Takashi.?' she asked. Then I got angry.  
  
'Don't call me that!'  
  
Mother snorted. 'Why not?' As if she didn't know. She always lies!  
  
'That isn't my name! My name is.' I paused for effect. 'Yamazaki Monroe!' She started to laugh and told me to stop being so silly.  
  
'Your name is Takashi Yamazaki.' She told me. Then I remembered that it was!  
  
'Nooo!!!' I yelled and ran out the door to my embassy. I asked them to change my name, but they didn't know what I was talking about. So, I walked home dejectedly, after cursing their ancestors.  
  
So here I sit, with a lousy name, too many people in love with me, and a career in acting to balance. I think I need to lie down.  
  
Eriol will pay! With his life!  
  
Lovely,  
  
Yamazaki  
  
-----  
  
A/N: To submit your application for the Yamazaki Monroe Fanclub, simply review! 


	7. September 4, 1

_Y A M A Z A K I ' S  D I  A R Y _

**A/N:** I've finally updated! Huzzah!

Congratulations to all the new members of the Yamazaki Monroe Fanclub who survived hazing and initiation! I salute you (Yamazaki style)! *holds up index finger and closes eyes*

Please read and review!

_---_

_September 4, 1_

The most absolutely positively most dearest diary,

I have the flu. My head hurts, my tongue is swollen (because I bit it), and I feel faint. I have seen enough soap operas today to know that this is serious. I am going to write my will now. 

_Yamazaki's Will_

_To Mother and Father, I leave my fake-moustache collection, my teddy bear that Chiharu made for me, and my estate._

_To Syaoran Li, I leave my Sakura Shrine. You have been an inspiration to us all._

_To Sakura Kinomoto, I leave my Syaoran Shrine. You have been an inspiration to us all._

_To Tomoyo Daidouji, I leave my Penguin stocks, so that she can be richer than she already is._

_To Chiharu, my first love, I leave my "2¥ off" coupon for "Twin Bells"._

_To Naoko, I leave an IMpotent charm that I got from the Tsukimine Shrine (but I actually just made it out of cardboard now.)_

_To Rika, I leave my rifle collection._

_To Terada, I leave my homework._

_To Kaho, I leave my best wishes._

_To Yukito, I leave my refrigerator._

_To Touya, I leave my Yukito._

_To Eriol, I leave NOTHING! In your face!_

Now that I've finished that, I can pass on into the next life without fear of my possessions going to the wrong people. Wow, I think I hear the Grim Reaper knocking on my figurative door.

Goodbye, faithful inanimate object. If I could have you buried alive with my, I would.

…

It wasn't death. It was just Eriol! Apparently, he heard that I was sick and came to bring me my homework. He says it is all due tomorrow. Funny, we usually don't get work on Sunday…

Well, I guess he isn't SO bad after all, since he went to all that trouble to bring me my work. Maybe he doesn't want to scare me out of an education after all! What a good friend, maybe I should leave him something in my Will.

… _To Eriol, I leave NOTHING! In your face! _my two yachts.__

There, all fixed. Now, I need to call Chiharu and ask her about question one, since I don't remember being taught about atomic mass. 

…

Chiharu says that we don't have any homework. As if I am supposed to believe that! She even said that we didn't even have school today! She is going to fail in life with that attitude. Not me, though. I am going to the top. In fact, I feel better right now! I think I will go to school!

…

I am at school now. Mr Madei, the custodian tried to make me leave, but I escaped and am hiding beneath the music teacher's desk. I just heard a scream; I think he found my trap. You see, I spilled oil all over the floor in case he came this way. Now it's just a matter of staying alive. Yes... 

I think I will write "study hall" on the board like I did once before. Ah, it seems like so long ago. I miss those days of study halls and detentions. Now, as I sit here hiding from Madei, I realize that by coming to school, I have ruined my life. Eriol once told me that "in a world where ignorance is bliss, t'is folly to seek wisdom", or something like that. 

Mother is here now. She wants me to put down the meter stick and to come home. Well I can't do three things at once! I am still writing in the diary, can't she see? Oh, no! She is trying to take you away! Noooo!!

Love,

Yamaza—

------

**A/N:** Review! And Yamazaki might leave you something in his will! ^_^;


	8. March 5, 2001

Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y

A/N: Okay, it's been HOW long? Two years? Dearie me, I do feel guilty, but I was just reading those lovely reviews and I decided to update. PLEASE DON'T LEAVE! YAMAZAKI NEEDS EVERY FAN HE HAS! MONROE POWERRRRR!

Please, read and review!

_March 5, 2001_

Totally most absolutely positively most dearest diary,

Today was the worst day of my life! No doubt about it, I have hit rock bottom.

Last night Mother had taken my diary away from me, and I begged her not to read it, and she promised not to as long as I would come home and calm down. Doctor Yanami was at my house, and she said that my fever had gotten so bad that I was delirious. I insisted that I was well, and she looked at me funny. Oh, no! She is in love with me too! Good thing she would never confess it, Dr Yanami is much too professional for that.

'Takashi should stay home tomorrow,' she told Mother. 'The flu has been going around, and it probably didn't help that he had a mild case of pneumonia from that spill in the river earlier this week.' What river? Anyway, after that she left, and now I have to stay home from school, trying to figure out what atomic mass is. I have also typed up my Will in a fancy font, printed it out, and put it in an envelope with my Official Yamazaki Wax Seal. I am leaving it by my lamp for them to take whence I pass on. I hop I spalt evrytnig roght.

But that isn't the worst of it! Yanami must have suggested to mother that my "hallucinations" weren't merely a product of the flu, but triggered by some kind of psychological trauma. So, Mother brought in a psychiatrist today to try and talk some sense into me.

Since I am taking drama class, I will write it in the form of a script.

_enter Dr Soraichi_

_Soraichi: Hello Takashi._

_Yamazaki: Hello Doctor._

_Soraichi: Oh, please, call me Vesha. _

_Yamazaki: No, YOU call me Vesha!_

_Soraichi: I'd rather not, since that isn't your name._

_Yamazaki: But it is, you see, my secret identity is Super Vesha. I am _

_Yamazaki only by day, but whence the sun passes to its eternal slumber, I don my super-sailor-senshi-suit, which is not unlike Sakura's uniform that I stole for a photo-shoot, and save the world from the perils of the super villain, TERADA THE TYRANT as he showers this fair city with demonic homework with his sidekick ERIOL THE ERSTWHILE! _

_Soraichi: Takashi, I need you to calm down._

_Yamazaki: NEVER! jumps out window and runs to CHIHARU THE CHUM's house_

_Chiharu: Yamazaki, what are you doing here? wearing YAMAZAKI IS THE GREATEST GUY EVER! pyjamas_

_Yamazaki: Chiharu, you gotta help me! The cops found the warehouse and they're tracking me down! You gotta hide me!_

_Chiharu: No! Go away!_

_Yamazaki: pushed her out of the way, runs into her house, and hides in the pantry which is full of Home Brewed Mihara Jam. Eats all the jam and locks the door_

_Chiharu: banging on the door YAMAZAKI UNLOCK THIS DOOR!_

_Yamazaki: pretending to be a rat_

_Chiharu: EEK! runs upstairs to the safety of her many, creepy stuffed toys_

_Yamazaki: changes into his costume with an magical girl transformation sequence thing and then unlocks the door and runs outside. Terada the _

_Tyrant! Show yourself!_

_Terada: Super Vesha, so we meet again! Bwa ha ha ha!_

_Yamazaki: I will not stand by and let you burden this fair city with ridiculous homework! Super Sailor Senshi Spiral! hits Terada with a spinning rake_

_Terada: Ahh! Noo! Super Vesha, you knew my one weakness! falls in defeat_

_Eriol: But you forgot about me! Eriol's Excellent Economy Equalizer! hits Super Vesha with this very special attack_

_Yamazaki: Noo! You know I believe in Free Trade! Eriol, you scum, next time we meet I will have my revenge! falls in mega-defeat_

_Eriol: Bwa ha ha! Now that all the countries of the world have equal economies, I can finally— gets cut off by Yamazaki who used the power of friendship to come alive again and beat him up Ugh. collapses_

_Yamazaki: All in a day's work! flies home_

Love,

Yamazaki XOXO

A/N: Only Yamazaki can protect his fair city from the clutches of TERADA THE TYRANT! Find out more next time folks!

Read and Review, please!


	9. April 40, 2003

**Y a m a z a k i ' s D i a r y**

**A/N**: Another update from everyone's favourite pathological liar!

Please, read and review!

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_April 40, 2003_

Really totally most absolutely positively most dearest diary,

I am so tired of this super-hero business. I wish I was a normal boy, with normal problems, like school work and women. But super-heroes have to deal with stuff like homework and girls! It's too much I tells yeh!

I am in love diary, in love with Chiharu, and we are to wed in a fortnight, but I don't see how I can keep my identity from her. So I told her today.

'Chiharu, darling! I don't love you anymore!' what tact! I can't believe I wasted my tactfulness on her!

'That's a relief. I was so sick of your yodeling sappy love sonnets every morning!'

I sighed, for dramatic-ness. 'Yes, Chiharu, I know you are going to miss my yodeling and welcome wagon baskets, but you will live. Just, please, Chiharu, don't dwell in the past! The past is over! Move forward' I walked forward to show her what I meant. 'Forward in the future! THAT WAY!' And then I ran forward across the classroom so that she wouldn't get confused and move backward by mistake! Then I nearly ate my lunch in delight as we had a study hall. I felt it was my duty to inform the class of this magnificent event that was taking place. Perhaps it would be the defining event of our generation? Ah, what an age we live in!

So then, during the study hall, I got out my Chaplin suit, and did my musical version of my favourite book of all time- Harry Potter!

First I was Voldemort: '_Oooh, Harry, you stupid child, I have been beated, I wonder whyyyyy…_'

Eriol said that "beated" wasn't a word. Shows what he knows!

My favourite song was definitely Quirrel's, 'I Have a Face On the Back of My Head". By the time it was over, the study hall was finished. I erased it from the board, dejectedly, but not so dejectedly that I looked dejected. Kaho gave me a word-a-day calendar, so I have to use dejectedly a lot today.

Now that I have told you the Chiharu and Harry Potter story, I have some other news. It seems that my Great Aunt Ruth's Not so Great Aunt, Gertrude, died yesterday! AND SHE LEFT US HER ESTATE! So, after school today, Mother and Father took me to check it out. It was the biggest house I'd ever seen!

'I can't believe we came two blocks for this!' Mother said. I threw my hands up in the air in protest.

'It was the best two blocks I've ever walked! Look at this estate! And it's all mi- ours!' I told her.

Mother sighed, ignoring me completely. 'I am so offended that she would leave this shack for us. What was she thinking?' then she took Father and they left, calling the estate a shack. Good thing they got off my property before I released the hounds on them! I think I will move in tomorrow.

Eriol, you won't get away with this!

Love,

Yamazaki

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**A/N:** Sorry, I guess that wasn't the best chapter. The next ones are better though

Review please, before Yamazaki releases the hounds on you!


	10. Friday 13, 1313

_A/N- _I am well aware that it hath been many a year since this was last updated. But I suddenly got the urge to dig up the old chapters and post it for you glorious fans who are probably all grown up and married now. Although this may be true, never forget who you are, and never forget where you come from! And never stop remembering the TITANS:) or Yamazaki for that matter

So here, in a barely edited format for your pleasure and enjoyment, I bring you...

_Friday 13, 1313_

Really really totally most absolutely positively most dearest diary,

Word of the day: funereal

Today is Friday the thirteenth, so I am extra nervous. Not to mention that that dratted Eriol has been hounding me (just as a hound would) ALL DAY. Why, just this morning, he asked to borrow a pencil. I glared at him menacingly, as I fished around in my desk for the smallest, most hideous, chewed up pencil that I own. Then when I gave it to him, I took a long time to let go, just so he would get the message that Yamazaki-isn't-for-sale!

Then he walked back to his desk with such a rather funereal stride that I could have mistaken him for a coffin-maker or a grave-digger. I vowed to stay away from that madman as long as possible. All in vain, however, as during lunch he came up to find me in my hiding spot. (I don't know how he found me- I was in the most inconspicuous place- a lunch table!!) He wanted to know why I was sitting alone. I told him that I wasn't alone. I would soon be accompanied by the incredible Sages and Fates, so he'd be best to skidattle out of there or he might never be born. Boy, he sure high tailed it out of there pretty fast! He might have cried, lest he ate clogs!

Now, I'll admit, I might have been a bit hasty in the matter of banishing my only friend like that. Those dratted Sages never even showed up, though I did get a delightful show from the 'Ghost of White Day Future'. Turns out no one will come to my funeral, or should I say, funereal telemarketing scam! Man, those guys are always trying to make you buy something!

So now, I realize that it is White Day! I can't believe that I forgot to wear all white today! Good thing the whole school is colour blind and hasn't noticed, or I would look quite the fool. In my haste to celebrate, indeed, I forgot all about it being Friday 13th and began hatching a plan.

The thing is, my Syaoran and Eriol match didn't quite work out. What, with all the current economic turmoil, I'm not surprised! So, I decided to make them a chance for a fresh start! Ah, yes, "l'amour est dans la pamplemousse!" It's French, you see? I'll bet you didn't know I could speak French! Well, as the master of love I felt it my duty to learn the language of love. Or is that Spanish?. . .

'Syaoran dearest!' I called out.

'Get away from me, Yamazaki! I remember what you did to me last White Day!' Syaoran said (with love!)

I smiled him my most charismatic smile. 'So nice of you to remember! Bit today I have a more humble task to fufill. I am merely a messenger of the Fates who want me to give you word of your REAL, TRUE LOVE!!!' I said it with such enthusiasm that it would be terribly difficult for him not to get excited. 'Today your REAL, TRUE LOVE will give you a box of chocolates- not only a plain old box of chocolates, but a half-eated box of chocolates!!'

At this point Syaoran was just yawning and rolling his eyes in excitement.

'But Sakura already gave me chocolates, a _whole_ box,' said he. What a defiant child!

'How typical. Bye!' and then I left him to almost-certain death. Then I found Eriol, drinking MY water out of MY PERSONAL fountain. I let it slide today, because today is a day of days! Today is White Day!

'Eriol! Today is a day of days!' I yelled at him, causing him to choke on his obnoxious ego. I pulled a package out of my knapsack.

'The Sages want me to deliver this to Syaoran, but I have become too weak to carry on! You, Eriol Chibukaplaka, must carry on the legend!'

Eriol stared (how rude! Doesn't he have any manners?! Why I oughtta. . .) 'That's not my name,' he said, subliminally hinting again.

'Of course you want back in the computer club! But many a man hath died double-crossing me! Now make sure my name, or the names of the Sages don't come up in the conversation! You might not want to mention Naoko either, since she seems especially touchy today. Now go!' I said, shoving the package into his ill-begotten hands. 'GO!!' I said again, whence he hesitated. Then, before he could argue, I fluttered out of the room like the graceful person I was in my youth.

'Ah, the good ol' days, when girls were girls and men were men!' I could barely restrain myself from singing the "All In The Family" theme. So, to pass the time, I twiddled my thumbs delightedly (and funereally). Finally, I could hold my excitement in no longer! I ran into the classroom and saw Eriol and Syaoran offering everyone chocolates.

'Gee, Yamazaki sure was nice to give us chocolates!' they said, grinning at each other. Rather fiendish if you ask me…

'THE JIG IS UP!' I yelled as I entered. Who says I can't make an entrance?

'Oh, okay,' Syaoran said, barely looking up.

I blinked. 'Well, um, yes it … is?' what is happening to me?! If that's the best I can come up with, then I don't deserve Tomoyo's heart. I ran up to her sadly.

'Tomoyo, I am so sorry. I can't accept your proposal of marriage.'

I don't remember what happened after that because I had fainted. So, now, here I am at home again, writing in a diary.

Eriol doesn't know what he got himself into!! (But I do! That funereal fiend!)

Love,

Yamazaki

Will Yamazaki ever deserve Tomoyo's heart? Will Eriol and Syaoran ever realize their feelings for each other?Will Sakura ever get the hint?? Tune in next time for another exciting page ripped from the one, the only- YAMAZAKI'S DIARY!

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AN- Review and let me know if I should post the rest in my repertoire. I don't usually respond to reviews unless I have something to say, because I don't want to fill your inboxes with useless thanks. But I am thankful and know it!


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